Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.

I’m gonna make this short and quickly get to something else because mainstream music is one of the things I could not possibly care less about in the whole wide world. If you remember my post from Day 11 it’s clear that I don’t listen to any “mainstream music”. In fact, I barely listen to any music at all, so I am disappointed that this is my question for today.

Instead, I’m gonna write a little bit about one of my insecurities.

I am always scared that the very first thing people think about when they think of me, or the very first thing people mention about me to others, is that I have HIV. I wonder how those three letters influences how people see me. Like, are there people out there who instantly find me less attractive because of it (not that I really care if anyone finds me attractive, but I wonder), or is it something that overshadows my intelligence, my passion, my kindness, or my abilities?

That thought makes me feel physically ill because there is so, so, so much more to me than my HIV status. I am gifted and spiritual and funny and nice, but there has always been this little voice inside my head that tells me those things come second in people’s minds after those three little letters that I had no control over whatsoever.

Oh man, there are so many. I spend entirely too much time scrolling through my dashboard because I follow so many awesome blogs. I’ll try to narrow it down to 10 blogs here.

• coffee-in-the-autumn-rain because she’s cool as hell. =]
• D’Arcy the Flying Hedgehog. Enough said.
• octopuussgarden because it’s my friend Elijah and he’s just awesome.
• ahedgehogblog because I love to see folks given accurate information about hedgehog care. Also, I just love other hedgehog enthusiasts. =]
• Loki the Hedgehog. Great photos of a beautifully colored hedgebaby.
• writeworld. Lots of great writing tips.
• theworstthingsforsale. Good for some LOLs.
• Animals Being Dicks because it makes me laugh until I cry.
• thefrogman because he’s cute and funny!
• squishfacedogs because I love few things more than squish face dogs!

I guess I should take this time to list other Tumblrs I run as well.

• sayhedgehog for a smile - a collection of things that make me go, “Aww! Yay! And LOL!”
• Wiccan Idyll - my spirituality blog.
• Roxie’s Recipes - where I store yums for future use.

I apologize for the chaos if you visited my blog within the last couple of hours. I decided it was time for a new look around here!

I hope you like it.

Edited to add: I realize now that there are a few glitches I need to correct (mainly on photo posts), so I will have those done ASAP. But now it’s time for sleeps.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory.

I don’t have very many vivid memories of my childhood before I was 8 or so years old. The ones I do have are very convoluted; almost like memories of a dream.

I guess the one that would count as my earliest memory is back before my brother was born. We lived in a trailer park, and right outside our trailer grew wild horseradish and rhubarb. I remember digging it up and snaking on it while playing outside. Ha!

Another of my earliest memories, and most vivid of my mother, was showering with her. Not in some freaky, disgusting, perverted way. In a safe, comfortable way. I remember how she looked, and how entirely warm and protected I felt with her. I don’t have many memories of her before she was sick, so even though it’s a strange one I hold onto it tightly.

I weighed myself today for the first time in weeks, and I’ve lost nearly 8lbs since starting Egrifta.

I want to get excited about it, but really I’m just scared that it’s all a coincidence and that the Egrifta isn’t working for me. =\

I keel telling myself that I haven’t been able to lose even a single pound since developing lipodystrophy, and I haven’t changed my diet or exercised differently than before starting the injections. That has to mean something right?

If I get under 160lbs (meaning that I’ve lost more than 10lbs) then I’ll feel comfortable saying that the shots are working.

I’m really just scared of getting my hopes up only to have them smashed.

Edited to add: The coolest part is the I am finally able to wear my ring again! It’s a little tighter than I normally like, but for the first time in months I don’t have to wear it on a chain around my neck. I know it’s silly, but it means a lot to me to be able to wear the ring my love gave me. Now if only I would wear my second favorite one. ;)

Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

It would be my dream to live in San Francisco. I have been twice, and I absolutely love that city. It has the perfect weather for me, is beautiful, and the people are awesome. The only problem with living in California though is that hedgehogs are illegal, and I don’t think I could part with my hedgies. =[

I also really miss living in the Rocky Mountains. I grew up in Colorado and lived in the Big Thompson Canyon for a while. I love the mountains, the snow, and the wildlife. I had a lot of really great memories there, so if I couldn’t live in San Francisco I’d live in the canyon again.

(My novel actually takes place in that canyon. =])